I’ve been struggling for quite some time with connecting with my spiritual being. It’s difficult for me to continue writing positive reinforcements when I can’t apply them to my own life, seems hypocritical. I’ve been trying to worship and pray the way that is known to be acceptable. What I mean is, we already have an idea of prayer/worship that seems pure enough and sincere enough you know; lifting up holy hands, eyes closed, heads bowed, knees to the ground etc. We are supposed to wake up at the crack of dawn singing on our knees with gratitude in our hearts and meditate on the word for at least an hour. If you can’t do that then you are a terrible sinner. Well firstly, I’m not a morning person. I have tried since my days in boarding school to conform to this “acceptable” form of worship and I have struggled so hard. I go on a good run for a couple of days then I crash, riddled with the guilt that I can’t even give the God that has kept me safe an hour of my precious sleep. Sometimes the guilt overcomes my ability to pray at all and that’s very interesting and counterproductive. I’m more accepting of not praying at all than I am with not praying at an “acceptable” time or “acceptable” manner.
I have prayed for God to undo all I have been taught about Him and for Him to teach me Himself who He really is and I believe that He answered me. This aspect of the perfect prayer is most likely another “unteaching” moment. Its just taken me longer to realize what the lesson is. Instead of focusing on the issue, I should have looked for the lesson in the situation. This is another lesson God taught me in 2016.
One of my favorite bible verses – 2 Corinthians 12: 9 tells me of how I’m to accept my imperfections because that’s when God’s power is perfected in me, but I forget that a lot. But today, I remembered that this verse isn’t only about when tragedy happens, or when I exhibit physical/emotional weakness but it’s all type of weaknesses even spiritual.
God loves me just as I am because Romans 5: 8 says while I was a sinner, Jesus died for me. He died for me while I was weak. He died for me in my imperfection so why do I need to become perfect when He has already accepted me just the way I am? I believe this is another “unteaching” moment.
There is no right way to come to the Lord. I believe the most important thing is where your heart’s at. I believe that John 4:24 gets misinterpreted as does a ton of other verses in the bible but I believe “worship in spirit and truth” doesn’t refer to speaking in tongues, the position of your physical body, the location but more about the position of your heart and the sincerity of your worship. This is what I believe. Worship/Prayer should be sincere and free of attachments.
Walking with God is a customized journey, it’s not a one size fits all. Learning to accept myself for who I am includes my spiritual journey. I need to hold fast to what I believe deeply about God’s love. I accept that writing to Him instead of trying to be someone I’m not, is okay because that’s how He made me. Waking up at the crack of dawn and going on my Knees isn’t going to score me more points than writing out and studying the word.
Talk to Him however you know, don’t be paralyzed by conformity. This word reminds me of the verse Romans 12:2 about not conforming to the standards of the word but to be transformed by the renewal of your mind. I could go on and on about this, but I’ll stop here.
Pray/worship however you know, the position of your heart, your intentions and sincerity of your actions is all that matters.
GOD LOVES YOU AND ACCEPTS YOU EXACTLY THE WAY YOU ARE 🤗
As always, your thoughts are very welcome! 😉